Chinese student’s rant over the French language becomes viral

March 9, 2011Jing Gao4 Comments, , , , , , , , , , ,

From Mop

The following post titled “Don’t mess with a French-learner” has been widely circulated on the Chinese Internet. Similar spin-offs about Chinese learning English, Japanese, Korean, and German all inherited its “Rant Genre”, or “Roaring Genre” (pao xiao ti, 咆哮体) But we found the French version is still the funniest among all.
I started taking French two years ago! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Little did I know I was on the way to f%cking Neverland! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Who the hell told me French is the most “elephant” language! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Goddamm$t, what kind of alien language from outer space French is! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
[Speaking French] is like like like spitting! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And if someone dare to claim again that French is the most elephant language on earth, I shall spit on you to your death! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
! ! ! !
The French are truly the finest at numbers! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
76 does not read seventy-six! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Its spoken as sixty plus sixteen! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
96 does not read ninety-six! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
It’s four twenties plus sixteen! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The French are truly the greatest at math ain’t I right [AIR]! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I can do subtraction and addition for numbers less than 100 without even thinking! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
They read TWO digits of phone numbers at a time! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Guess how they read the number 176988472! ! ! ! ! !
It doesn’t read as one-seven-six-nine-eight-eight-four-seven-two! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Instead, it’s one-hundred-plus-sixty-plus-sixteen, four-twenties-plus-eighteen, and four-twenties-plus-four, and sixty-plus-twenty! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
! ! ! [WTF]
How on earth are you (French guys) good at asking girls’ phone numbers! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
By the time you are done exchanging numbers, I would have finished watching an entire episode of Ninja Turtles! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And they have gender for ALL nouns! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Does “barbe [beard]” belong to a woman! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Does hair belong to a man! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Keys and locks are in woman form! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
O how lively, colorful, sexy and fragrant it is when French people unlock doors! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I will never be able to sleep in bed again! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Because all beds are males [in male form] ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
What a blatant act of rainbow! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
We were made to memorize sex forms of all French words! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Because the articles for male forms and female forms are different! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Same with adjactives! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
So many differently different differences! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
There are six different forms for a verb! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And altogether, there are f#cking 23 forms in French! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And all to be memorized! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And tested on exams! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Those damned professors are fond of picking irregular forms for tests! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
O the trickery! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
What do you think I am, Google Translate?! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Prepositions lined up like piles of poop! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Just those [propositions] for orientation will completely burn you out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
[The proposition] used for departure is different from that for arrival! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
That for a city is different from that for a country! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And even that for male countries is different from that for female countries! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Same with male continents, and female continents! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And even male states and female states! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
And totally different too for those used for vowel-prefixed words from those for non-vowel-prefixed words! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Not to mention those used for various peninsula, provinces, regions. All f&king different! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
! ! ! ! ! !
Personal pronouns, what a feast for the eyes! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Six forms for a subject! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Six forms for a direct object! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Six for an indirect object! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Six for a prepositional object! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Another six form for a reflexive-pronoun! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Plus all kinds of permutations at one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ain’t I right ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
! ! ! ! ! ! !
I can probably keep going for another 3,000 words! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
In conclusion, all those who study French are angels in their former life time, spitting masculine and feminine forms all day and flipping through dictionary ten times for every sentence they translate! ! ! !
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I ne live pas like this! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The end.

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4 comments to “Chinese student’s rant over the French language becomes viral”

  1. Anonymous | March 12, 2011 | Permalink Reply

    英文版..

  2. [...] afford to mess with any fatty in blue T-shirts!!! You can’t!!!” (Jing: Written in Rant Genre; MOPPER, a MOP.com user) (Picture picked from [...]

  3. vc | September 16, 2011 | Permalink Reply

    lol hilarious as hell!

  4. Franzi | November 30, 2011 | Permalink Reply

    Ever heard a westerner ranting over Chinese?
    Ten of thousands Chinese charcters!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hilarious grammar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If you despise French so much then take it. And quit insulting foreign languages. Ignorant Chinese

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