How a Chinese lives his day – netizens write lampoon and tweet about China’s food scares

March 20, 2011Jing Gao5 Comments, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The following essay and the tweet at the bottom of the page, have stricken a chord in Chinese people and circulated on the Internet, not only for its unmistakable sarcasm, but for its unexaggerated wrap-up of newsy issues that have been heard from news over the past few years.  The essay has been updated or revised to include the latest scandals or happenings, including food scares, inflation and prohibitive housing prices, that are closely associated with Chinese daily life.  Therefore, there are several versions sharing the same title. This is the newest one we can find.

A Happy Day of A Chinese

(From Renren)

After I wake up in the morning, I brush my teech with toothpaste containing diethylene glycol,
Wash my face with stinky algae bloom water,
Make my child a bottle of milk, which contains melamine and hormones,
Whereas I drink soy milk produced by underground workshops.
I have a twisted dough fried in swill oil from gutters and two salted duck egg with Sudan Red (illegal and carcinogenic food dye),
Or sometimes steamed buns whose meat filling was made from waste paper cartons,
And some pickles preserved in paint buckets.
After I am done eating and drinking, I go to a fake cigarette factory where I work and arrive on time.
I sneak a peek at stock market information on my copycat cellphone: it has plummeted from 6,124 to 1,240.46.
At noon, I go to the dining hall for lunch with my co-workers.
I order spicy eel, which feeds on oral contraceptives that make it grow bigger,
A dish of crawfish caught from sordid gutters,
And Chinese little cabbage sprayed with DDVP (insecticide),
Get a bowl of mildewed poisonous rice.
The owner pours a cup of tea with tea leaves containing heavy metal 100 times in excess of the limit.
When I pay the bill, they say 168 yuan ($25) is an auspicious amount and do not give me any discount,
And the owner gives us back some counterfeit bills as change.
In the evening, I get home. I steam pork, which contains clenbuterol hydrochloride (an illegal additive),
Make a cold dish out of jellyfish, which is soaked in formalin,
Grab a bun, which has fluorescent whitening agent,
Sip at a cup of liquor adulterated with methanol.
When I am about to go to sleep, the formaldehyde released from new building materials smarts my eyes so much that tears keep coming out.
So I can only bury my head into my quilt padded with “black heart cotton (used and hazardous cotton and industrial fiber waste).”
At the thought that there is still 400,000 yuan plus interest to go before I pay off my home mortgage,
I toss and turn in bed and can’t fall asleep.
I rummage for sleeping pills and swallowed half a bottle; it doesn’t work.
I taste it a little bit. Good. Luckily, it is only glutinous rice powder…

Chinese tweet about food safety and Japanese nuclear crisis:

Madam Curie lived 67 years despite exposure to radiation from dusk to dawn. Chernobyl has even become a tourism site. China is so far away from Japan, what are you worried about? I firmly believe that a nation which has gone through the baptism of Sudan Red, melamine, illegal additive in meat and poisonous dumplings will not be defeated by this little radiation. (@CaoniBird)

Comments on the essay from renren.com

张爽:

 How environmentally friendly Chinese are! The recycling/reuse rate for wastes is so damn high.

王卫峰:

 0.0 I suddenly feel my physical health is so great…

朱斌:

Have any idea how does our living under torture of these toxic substances every day help? Since even these things fail to kill us, what the heck can radiation do?

杨捷:

This is China.

李玲艳:

Ah, vicious New Society (Jing: defined by the Communist Party as the era since the founding of the regime). I am speechless. There is so much more yet to be discovered.

慕容赐:

If ET invaded the earth, what they have the least courage to eat are us.

王笑阳:

Therefore, just rest assured. If we Chinese have to die, all men on earth have to die.

曹崇海:

Everything is for the sake of biochemical warfare in the future…You guys should believe that Chinese resistance/immunity is the strongest!

江振洲:

Haha, Chinese resistance/immunity is indeed strong! But watch out for harmonization. (Internet slang/euphemism for Chinese internet censorship, which ‘harmonizes’ the jarring noises.)

李佳雪

:

That’s why I am not afraid of radiation. Haha, I have got the vantage point from the start. Oh oh oh!

李曦明:

…Speechless…Suddenly (I) feel so strong. Even till this point, Chinese can still manage to live vividly…= =

孙娟娟:

It is really my first time to see such a classic summary.

郎栋:

…We’ve grown into Supermen through eating

美拉斯:

No way to live any more…

汤含瑜:

People in the Heavenly Kingdom have gone through the most tests! When the universe is about to be destroyed, we will still be standing on top of the world…

朱坤:

Facts…

芮菊红:

Chinese are leading such an arduous life.

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5 comments to “How a Chinese lives his day – netizens write lampoon and tweet about China’s food scares”

  1. [...] Also the government is always concerned with upsetting netizens by blocking too many sites, so if a story becomes popular quickly enough it becomes very difficult to keep it from spreading (like this collection of photos of wasteful government buildings or this post about poisonous food in China). [...]

  2. [...] Produsele contrafăcute în viaţa de zi cu zi a chinezului [...]

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  5. Guy In China | March 23, 2012 | Permalink Reply

    Maybe some day someone will write a book about this and all the kids will read it in school – like The Jungle. Then again, the government wouldn’t allow that. If someone wrote a book about it, they might get ‘disappeared’.

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